I first learned about the difference between empathy and sympathy while working at Santander as a Financial Support Advisor, during my eight weeks of training.
The purpose of learning this was to ensure that we did not unintentionally offend customers. If you mistakenly claim to empathise with someone’s situation or personal struggles when they are not your own, or when you have never genuinely experienced something similar yourself, it can make the person feel disrespected, invalidated, or judged. In contrast, sympathy allows you to acknowledge and understand that someone is going through a difficult time without implying that you fully share their experience.
Developing the ability to avoid becoming overly emotionally invested in another person’s problems is essential, as their experiences are not your own. Instead, it is important to maintain a careful balance between professionalism and the natural human instinct to care. Learning to manage this balance is a valuable life skill that applies across many different situations and relationships. When this is mastered, it helps create an environment in which people feel safe and comfortable sharing personal information, as it fosters trust, honesty, and a sense of emotional safety through calm, respectful, and non-judgemental responses.
You can apply this learning and understanding to your personal relationships by being more mindful of how you respond when someone shares their feelings or problems with you.
Instead of immediately saying things like “I know exactly how you feel” or comparing their situation to your own, focus first on listening carefully and acknowledging their emotions. For example, you could say, “That sounds really difficult” or “I’m sorry you’re going through that.” This shows sympathy and support without assuming that your experience is the same as theirs.
It is also important to give people space to express themselves without interrupting, judging, or trying to solve the problem too quickly or giving blanket statements. Sometimes people do not need advice straight away—they simply want to feel heard and understood. By staying calm and present, you help create a safe environment where they feel comfortable opening up.
Another way to apply this learning is by maintaining healthy emotional boundaries. Caring about someone does not mean taking on their pain as if it were your own. Supporting others while protecting your own emotional wellbeing helps you remain balanced and prevents relationships from becoming emotionally overwhelming.
In everyday personal relationships, this approach can improve trust, communication, and mutual respect. Friends, family members, and partners are more likely to be honest with you when they know you will respond with care, patience, and understanding rather than judgement, overreaction or minimising the situation as if it were nothing.
References:
https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/empathy
https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/sympathy
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